In this episode, TedX speaker Deidre Sirianni shares her journey of overcoming depression, panic attacks and auto-immune diseases by non-negotiably living her life in "Radical Alignment". Tune in to learn how to process deep traumas (that would otherwise caused triggers), set healthy boundaries (especially with those closest to you) and live each day from a joyful place. You don't want to miss this.
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Transcript:
I love your brand. I love everything you stand for the radically aligned life. What does that mean to be radically aligned? Ooh, that's a great question. I was feeling into this the other day. So first of all, everything happens in the exact moment it's supposed to. And before we jumped on here, we were talking about birthing something into the world.
And so when you're pregnant with something like a baby, you can't push it out at six months or five months or rush it and everything. Great takes time. And so I remember being under this tree in San Diego, um, about a year and a half ago, and I was meditating. I don't remember what I was meditating at, but I was at a Brendon Burchard seminar and a bird pooped on my shoulder.
And as the bird pooped on my shoulder, I got the name radically aligned. And so I love it when that happens to me. And it happened to me recently too. So I'm feeling really good about myself. I'm like, something good's about to happen. I love that. Well, they say it's good luck, but I mean, just to love it when you get a bird poops on your shoulders, just like, that's hilarious.
Totally. So when I think of radical alignment, there's different stages of it, and I actually have this. This graph that I've been creating to really map it out on our journey and how to really awaken to our highest self and our full potential, but essentially radical alignment is you are radically aligned.
It's like the center of. Across, you know, not being religious that the center across, like it's the dead center of the core of who you are. And there's no being off path. There's no compromising. There's no, I'm not sure. There's no maybes. There is no, um, Oh. Um, if this happens, then that will happen. It's a strong knowing that, well, you are.
And being radically honest with your path and not compromising and going off path because of distractions, because of old programming, because of what people think you should do because of self-sabotaging behavior when you're radically aligned. You are unstoppable. And these are the people in the world that I think of that are the, I work a lot with up and coming thought leaders and those who have a message inside of them that they know, like they're not quite where they're supposed to be yet.
And there's a gap because they're not radically aligned from the outside looking in though they look like they have their life together. They seem aligned, but they know they're playing small. They know that there's something bigger and this is where radical alignment comes into place because the more aligned we are.
The quicker we can manifest what we want and the less distracted that we get and the more confident we are. But it's not even a doing. It's the being ness that attracts what it is that we want to have in there. Certain rituals, practices, tools, and um, processes that I take people through to make sure that they've cleaned up trauma, that they've worked through, pieces that are still like the dust that hasn't quite settled in their life to clean that up.
So it's like having a. Like a diamond that has dust on it. You know? It's about the polishing. So it's the polishing. It's like you're already amazing. You're already great, you're already rocking, you're doing all the things that you love. But the polishing is in the radical alignment. So I would compare it to maybe a, um, I'm a Lamborghini.
Okay. So there's a lot of people who are Lamborghinis, so they're super sensitive. They're super dialed in when they are radically aligned with who they are and who they're meant to be in the world as far as influence, impact, and all of that. But they're operating, they're giving themselves the fuel. Of a Honda.
And the truth is if you bring a Lamborghini up to a regular pump, and I don't have a Lamborghini, but I'm pretty sure that you need different fuel, you need different services. And the truth is when you're a Lamborghini and you're in the car and you're out of alignment just a little bit, there's something that's not quite right in, in the system.
It throws the whole thing off, it throws the whole path off, and it can actually take you off track with your full potential. So it's about getting people to know that they have six cylinders, 10 cylinders, whatever, instead of two that they're operating on and it opens up the doors for everything. I love that.
I love the idea of radical alignment. I want to know the tools, the different things that you would use to get people aligned. The first. I'm going to assume that you haven't always been this passionate and this like aligned even yourself. Like there's obviously a story that sort of got you there. So I'd love for you to share your journey of getting into radical alignment.
Wow. So that's a big question. Everything starts at a young age and it's called soul school, right? So we go through all these obstacles. We have these moments of this is who I am when it's not the truth of who we are. And for me, at a young age, when I was probably six or seven years old, I started to live a dual life.
So I would go to school and I was a happy go lucky girl, like friends with everyone. I'm had a hard time learning and staying focused in school. Um, and then I would go home and I had a family member that had an addiction. And because of that addiction, it was this space of lack of certainty when I would come home.
There was a space of lack of knowing how things would be and also deep concern for that person in my life. And it was a part of my life that I categorized. And we do this as humans. We categorize moments in time. We categorize parts of our life to disconnect from it because we don't know how to process it.
So at around the age of six or so that was happening. So I'd go home and I'd have a totally different experience. I wasn't able to speak my truth. I wasn't able to be a little girl. I had to be my own, you know, my own best friend, my own parents in a lot of ways. And so there was this dual personality, do a life.
And so this pattern continued into high school. I was the popular girl, I was friends with everyone at school. But I didn't really get too close to any groups. I was the one that was friends with all the groups because I didn't want to let anyone get too close to me because I didn't want them to see the truth that I had something to hide.
And then I was taking on someone else's addiction, someone else's behaviors as my own. There's a lot of deep shame and a lot of deep separation from both of those lives. And so naturally, um, when you live with someone who has an addiction or anything like that, or you know, you're in a relationship with someone who has an addiction, um, you can become codependent, which is trying to fix everyone else's problems or trying to support everyone else too.
Avoid dealing and feeling what's going on on a deeper level. And also with that, there's also the people pleaser that comes up. I see this all the time with people, and a lot of that comes back to codependency and also having a family member or somebody in your world that has an addiction and addiction, that behaviors as far as how they act is very different than maybe how addicted or how often they go to whatever that is for them.
So again, I was the happy go lucky girl. I had one emotion. And it was, I'm happy all of the time. So that continued into my adult hood and essentially I had more trauma in when I was 19 I was raped and didn't know how to process that. So I categorize that again. And I got really good at checking things off of the list, that list of get married, um, buy a new car, buy a house, go traveling together.
All of the things. And again, from the outside looking in, it looked like I was the happiest person. Everyone knew I had the perfect life, the perfect marriage. I had a business that was doing well in a lot of external validation for it, but. I was not connected to myself. I was not connected to my truth.
And because of that, I was avoiding dealing with the voice that was trying to come up. That was saying, first of all, every time I've reached a goal, I was saying is this it? Like looking around like, is this really what success is? Is this really what love is? Is this really what life is? And that continued to push me to chase new goals.
But I never quite felt like it was, it always felt empty. It's like you're chasing these things. You get there and it's like, now what. Yeah. Right. And so I was chasing these pieces of external validation and essentially I was running away from myself as I was running towards a goal. So I kept feeling that way.
And of course it led to burnout and other symptoms. But then there was another voice that was coming up and the voice was saying, there's so much more. Yeah, you are so much more capable and powerful. And you know, and I knew deep down that there was something that I was supposed to step into that because of all of the programming, because of all of the disconnect, the dual life, the categorization.
It felt like impossible to even bring it into my conscious reality. And so with that, I started to get a lot of symptoms, a lot of manifestations of disease. Because as you noticed, and I know we've Jan about this before, is anytime our soul is not being honored, it speaks to us through symptoms of disease.
And. I manifested depression, massive social anxiety, even though I was in front of about a hundred people a day. I have panic attacks. I manifested auto immune disease and what else? And food sensitivities. Stomach pain. Yeah, totally. And so it's like all of these were the universe or my universe, my body saying pay attention.
But the thing is. And, and if you're listening right now, and I'm sure you can relate to Sam, it's like when things come up in our body, it's so easy to be like, Oh, well my mom has this, or it runs in my family, or, Oh, I should take a pill for it. Or, Oh, it's just a part of me. There's like this acceptance of the bullshit in our life.
You know what I'm saying? 10. And it's like NSC acceptance of the symptoms and the symptoms is a sign that you were so out of alignment with your soul's calling. And I knew this, I was like teaching wellness. Like I knew you back then too, like I was in that wellness space. I own a yoga business and it was, I was like living and teaching a lot of these things, but I wasn't really owning it and embodying it.
So I finally had my wake up call. It wasn't any of the things I said before. But was it like an Elizabeth Gilbert moment? Like, did you have a moment where it's like you hit rock bottom with it and you were just like, the universe just wasn't going to let you keep going? Exactly. That's exactly what happened.
And so I, so I had all those symptoms. I pushed him away cause I was like runs in my family, whatever, whatever stories as we do, accepting the bullshit of our symptoms and our life. And um, I remember one day, Sam, and like at that time in my life I had mermaid hair. It was down in my hips and it was kind of my thing.
And I was going through my hair one day as us girls do, and I noticed, Oh my gosh, I am missing a huge chunk of hair. And it was like on the top of my head, I had a massive bald spot. It was like the size of the toony. Whoa. Yeah. Completely bald. Completely bald. Like right on the top of my head right there.
And I just woke up one day and it was like that. And it wasn't like, you know, when you shave something and you can see like, there's like, there's still hair growth, but you know, maybe it was ripped out or something happens. Like your hair was stressed out. It wasn't breakage. It was totally bald. And, and I remember, I remember the moment getting out my smartphone and, you know, um, having the camera on and going in the mirror.
I'm like, what the heck is going on here? And it was this massive bull spot. And this was the moment when the universe was like, okay, Dee, we gave you this, we gave you that. We tried to whisper. We try to take it easy on you. Yeah, there were a million yellow flags, but it's going to take this one bread one.
And that's usually what happens. Like yellow flag, yellow flag, yellow flag. And we just keep on driving poorly. So I, um, I was super stubborn, so I had to learn things the hard way. And, um, and then so that happened. And naturally natural instinct go to the doctor, what the heck's going on? Fix me? And the doctor said, Oh, well, it looks like you've developed another autoimmune disease.
And I was like, huh? And she's like, yeah, like we can give you some steroids or, you know, some shots in that area of your head. But, um, she's like, you're probably gonna lose all your hair. Yeah. Wow. Okay. That's pretty scary. Yes. And they say also like, just going back to, um, people who go through cancer. Um, one of the biggest fears for women apparently isn't necessarily losing their breasts.
It's actually losing their hair. It was like a, it was a big fear of mine. I'm like, Oh my gosh. And then I went home. I got the prescription because I was like, just in case I get home. And I was like, this is not going to be my story. This is not it. And I am going to listen. And I thought of Louise Hay's, I thought of her affirmations.
I thought of what our body is trying to tell us. And I don't remember exactly what it said in the book about, you know, a bald spot. But I remember being like, it was like self hatred or something. And I chose to be with that, which is the truth, because my entire life. Based on past trauma and you know, living a dual life and checking things off the list.
It was self hatred because I was not connected. To my soul. And so I remember talking to my husband at the time and he was like, so not woo, like black and white, like thought crystals were weird. Right.
And I like owned that moment. Wow. In that moment was the moment I changed my entire life and my hair grew back. I started studying Mashama's. I've actually been working with shamans for almost a decade now. I started doing the inner work meditation, and what I learned through that journey is that. First of all, I believe, and I can see it in people.
Most people are not even living in their truth. So radical alignment feels like what the F is that? And I get it. I was very disconnected and it took, it took me having that moment. To change it. And I know because my soul told me around this time too, that if I did not change my life, I was going to die of cancer in a year and I didn't have cancer, but my body, my soul was like, you are here to do work and you are not listening to your one and we're going to go after your vanity because you like to pretend that everything is great and you can't hide this.
So wake up. Wow. But at that said, you probably look back at that moment and you're so grateful, so much gratitude, because I know that this is like what, six or seven years later, I wouldn't be alive. I would not be on this having this conversation with you if I didn't actually have that wake up call and change because I was so deep in it.
And when we're so in something, whether it's a relationship or an area of our life where we have created all of these. You know, um, this checklist and we're, we're so in the role, it's difficult to even know that we're in the role because we've been playing the role our entire life. So. I had to wake up. I had to do the deeper work.
It was not always comfortable, but it led me down the path of really understanding universal laws. what our soul's telling us, as well as a bunch of other things, which has led me down this path of radical alignment and and seeing those symptoms in people and helping them break through really quickly.
And on that note, I'm heal trauma. As we were talking a little bit about that earlier. Before we jumped on was unhealed trauma, I believe is the root cause of all suffering. Because what happens when we have a trauma? And so I had trauma when I was younger, like coming home and having a, um, a family member, not sure if they were alive and then having to like, not know how to deal with that and, you know, continue just showing up at school and in life and shoving it down.
We do that all the time and we don't necessarily need to say we as a whole with humans right. We don't know how to, first of all, identify trauma and essentially it's anything in our life, any imprint that we haven't been able to process. And when we have a trauma, it actually takes us out of our body.
Because it's not safe to be in our body. So when we're not in our body, we actually can't be aligned because it's like we're outside of our body. We're not connected to the symptoms. We're not connected to our heart, and we're constantly being triggered by our subconscious from any images, thoughts, body sensations, emotions, and then the energetics of anything that even slightly reminds of us of any of those imprints in our past of the trauma that we haven't fully.
Completed because it's like a moment that's frozen in time. So I was triggered all the time, didn't know it, didn't mean that I was upset. It just means I kept taking steps away from my soul. And then I had my big wake up call and had to change my entire life. And in my marriage of eight years, I starting a new business.
I started saying yes to adventures all the time. I had a lot of deep work to do and in the realization was the first step. Of course, it's healing trauma. You know, but it's, it's also like what is not me. And when I started to go through that, most of the things, most of the rules that I was living in plane and weren't me.
It's not about finding or creating who you are. I like the idea of it, but it's more about who are you not and how is that showing up in your life? That's a really good way to look at it. I feel like it's easy to say, Oh yeah, everything's good, I'm great. Right? But then if you look at the back way, that way, it's like you can get other information about yourself and your situation and your, the people who are in your life or whatever it is, and it's easier to be like, well, is this really me?
Is it serving me? Yes or no? And it's easier to let it go. Totally. Yeah. And it's, it's scary too, and, and that's why it's really important. Like, I know for me, when I was going through the process, it took me a few years to actually really take some of those outward steps of creating change. Because first it starts internally and it can be a little messy.
But it's like finding the right community, the right support, being around people who get you right. And um, and so that's what led me down this path. And, and I see it in other people and I know that like, we're all here to do something, to create something to experience, love to bring love. And it comes through the foundational piece of being radically aligned.
And there's different stages of that. So long story short, I mean. Phones are long. That's good though. Cause you're here, you're living here, you know your radical line life now and you're really holding the torch for other people to do the same. What are a couple of grounded things someone could do and implement in their life that would be really effective in terms of like achieving some alignment, like something that they could do today.
I'm just thinking of, first of all, uh, I have a program that's running right now and we're on module two and I want to talk about this because this is exactly what we're sorting out. So I'm, one of the things that I love to do in my life, I do this probably once a year, is I like to create my obligation list.
And then also the things that bring me joy. So two lists, and this is a very simple way to see the things that maybe you said yes to that aren't quite aligned. And you go through the obligation list. These are all the things that you feel like you have to do. They have the, I shouldn't be doing this. I have to be doing it, and you do it.
You show up for it. But the thing is, because we're so on autopilot all of the time, we don't even know how they feel. So we just do it. And then if we feel like should at the end of the day or we don't feel the way we want to feel or we're not doing the work that we want to do, it's because we haven't taken the time and the space to assess where we're putting our time, energy, and space.
So going through the obligation list and saying, okay, who was I when I said yes to this? Who was, I wasn't the person I was a year ago. Is that still aligned with who I am today? Because you know, like we're all evolving all the time, and if we're saying yes and doing things out of obligation based on old version of ourselves, well, it could be actually leaking our energy.
It can be pulling us down. So it'd be outdated. Exactly right. And like, I know you sound like you're changing so much every day. So am I. I think about who I was a couple months ago. I'm like, Whoa, I've changed a lot. So it's like it's good to reassess, right? Totally. I love that. Going into the list and looking through them and asking yourself some questions, so number one, when did I say yes to this thing?
Who was I like? What were my core belief systems at this time? Because it's important to notice your core belief systems around why you said yes to that thing. And then the next piece is, is it still serving me today? Is it aligned with my values today? And if you don't know what your values are, I highly, highly recommend asking yourself what your top three values are.
Because anything that you're saying yes to and you are, is on your obligation list. And I just want to say, having things on the obligation list is not a bad thing. We're all going to have responsibilities and things we show up for, but it's important to know. Is aligned with my values. Does it make me feel the way that I want to feel?
And is it supporting my longterm vision goals of who I am and who I meant to be in the world? And if the answer is no, well my friend, it's time to cross that obligation on the list. Maybe have a conversation with someone and say, you know what? I know I said yes to this. Back when and moving forward, um, I have to release my obligation to this and let's sort it out.
And that's going to free up so much energy and awareness right there. So what would you say to somebody who's at that point who sees something that they want to cross off, but then there's that fear of actually having that conversation? Because for a lot of people, that conversation. It's like they don't want to hurt feelings, so they don't want to like, you know, it's an uncomfortable thing.
So what would you say suggest to do? That's a great question. I was actually thinking about it like, Mmm, people want to, you know what? What do I do with it? Okay. First of all, I think it's really important. Anytime we have anything that we've committed to or bought into of our own, whether it's a belief system, an obligation, or anything else in her life, what is the cost?
Okay. What is the cost of not having that conversation? What is the cost of continuing to, um, maybe it's self sabotaging behavior of feeling resentment towards that person or that thing that you're doing. What is the longterm cost. Of continuing to show up in authentically within that relationship or that obligation and the longterm cost for yourself, number one.
So what's the longterm cost on your health? On your relationship maybe with that person on, um, you know, the longterm relationship with what you're creating. Like what is the cost? Is it the time? Is it money? Is it your health? Is it your relationships? Because the truth is when we're saying yes to something that doesn't feel good, and we're doing that people pleasing thing, like walking on eggshells with, guess what?
We have resentment. And that resentment is showing up in our physical body, our liver, right? Our di, our organs. There's a cost on our health. Our mental health or emotional health, and also we're bringing that negative energy into some of our closest relationships. That could be time that works, stepping away from the things that we love most in, we're probably not showing up as the best version of ourselves.
So when you, when you get radically clear and honest and aligned with the costs. I'm saying yes, in that obligation, it's going to be like, Oh my gosh, like I need to have that conversation and there's frameworks to it. It's just like, Hey, so and so like Sam, Hey, Sam. You know, let's play that. Hey, Sam, I know that I'm pro.
Let's pretend you're my sister. So, um, let's say that I had an obligation to you and I would, and I've heard this before, you know, I pick up, you know, Sam's kids every and every week, and I hang out with her kids, and that's the time that she gets to spend time with her husband, right? I've heard this before and it's just something I've been doing for years.
But you know what? Now I don't have time for this, this, this, this, so perfect example. Hey Sam. I just want to talk to you about, I mean, is that okay? Sure. What's up? Um, well, I really love, uh, taking care of your kids every week. It's been such an honor to do that. They're so much fun. And, um, I said yes to that, you know, a few years ago when I had a lot more time.
And I want you to know that I really appreciate the time that we've had together and moving forward. Um, I won't be able to continue to do that. So I'd love to find a way for us to. Shift this to support you, but also for me to have my time back cause I really need my Wednesday nights for this project.
So how can we move forward and create that together? Like how much time do you think that you need? Like a few more weeks to sort of a babysitter or something else that's so easy. It just makes it so easy to say yes. Yeah, that's really good. Cause it's really appreciating and seen appreciating the person, but then like looking at coming at it from like a win-win perspective.
Totally. And it's the framework of, you know. Brain. It was love. Like, can I speak to you about something? Yeah, of course. Like everyone's open and then the acknowledging of who you were and what you were able to do in the past. So honoring the past, right, and then talking about how moving forward it needs to be different.
And that's a very easy framework. But acknowledging the past and who you were when you said yes is really important. Because if you're just like, I can't do it anymore. People were like, well, like I thought you liked doing it. And there's all of these like. Gaps in communication or their stories. Yeah, exactly.
So that's what I like to do. And, and um, is that helpful? Does that answer it? Totally. Okay, cool. Totally. And what I love about that too is like even asking the question, cause like you were just saying like if I was just like, Hey Dee, I can't pick up your kids anymore. All of a sudden it's like the defense is up.
It's like, well why? Like a million reasons go up there. Whereas if you're like, Hey, can I talk to you for a second? And you come and you're like. Yeah, sure. What's up? It's already like creating a safer container to have that combo. So I love that you just walked us through that entire scenario. Thank you.
No problem. And like for you to, like you said, you completely like let go of so many things in order to live radically aligned. Do you struggle with that on a basis, like day to day basis now? Or is it easy for you to just like drop things that aren't serving you. Well at the beginning it was very difficult.
It started with really my marriage. That was, that was a big one. And, and it's never easy to end a relationship, especially when there's love there and, and time and all of that. So that was not easy to do, but I knew that it was for my highest good. And. For myself and also for that person, because I know that in the relationship, and this is another thing, I'm going back to the obligation list and that conversation.
So let's say that we're going back to me picking up your kids every weekend, hanging out with them every week. Well, if I'm continuing to honor or show up for you, even though I don't feel good about it, it's going to create. Tension in our relationship and it's not going to feel good. You're not going to know why, and I'm going to end up being passive aggressive.
That's actually a natural thing with people pleasers. They don't know that they're doing it, but they have passive aggressive tendencies. So when you think about the cost and honoring other people that are involved in these obligations and things that you're letting go of, it's really important to think of what's the cost for them longterm view, playing a role that isn't yours.
It's expired. And I really had to look at that with my husband and I was like, you know what? Like. I'm costing him the opportunity to, for him to be with someone who really, really, um, wants to be in it. And it has radically line with him. And I, I'm not that. We didn't have the same values. And so that's why it's so important to your values.
So when I left, I knew, yes it was for me, but I also had to really feel into, I want the best for him. And what's the cost longterm for him? Cause he's not getting any younger either. He wants kids and all of those things. And when I could get into that space, it was a selfless releasing. Hmm. To answer your question as far as letting go of things, you know, at first it can be difficult, but every time I do the internal work on myself that I take my clients and people through, I always feel good about it.
And the people and the places and the environments that I released, they normally do too. And yeah, there are some people, um, that I've released in the last year, even that I'm like, Oh, this is, this is awkward or difficult because there were people that were close to me. But I will not dishonor my soul.
And sometimes that means walking away from things and, and sometimes not having the kind of conversations that, you know, in a perfect situation you would have, but it's about, I will not allow myself to dishonor my soul. And I love that. And that's like where the radical part really comes into it because so many people like will be like 99% in, but then just keep the 1% back.
And it doesn't necessarily work that way. It's like you have to be a hundred percent an FPS or an F. No. And that's like essentially what you're saying, you're like. If it's not a hundred percent FES ain't doing it. And, and so with that, with friendships, with relationships, with environments, I have a really tight filtering system of who I let into my inner circle, outer circle, outer, outer circle, et cetera.
And it's not saying any one's bad or less than, that's not what I'm saying. It's just about alignment based. People in my inner circle have the same values as me. Um, they can teach me something, I can learn something from them. It doesn't mean that they're like actually my teacher. It means that maybe they're a mirror for me and my bullshit's coming up and I have to clear it.
So that's, that's a sole person that I would want in my circle. But there's certain qualities, values, and things that I hold really true to myself in the people that I keep closely and I'm very aware of. Um, what belongs where in my life. And it makes things really easy. Actually. And I love that you keep on bringing up values.
I was actually on a call this morning with my friend, my good friend, glow, and we were talking about values in a relationship and I'm like, I had never actually done that with my partner, like asked, what are your three values? Or even like really told him what mine are. So we're actually going to do this exercise where he doesn't know it yet.
I told glow and now I'm telling you. And all the ladies who were listening, you should do this with your partners, but like find out, write down what your three values are, find out what your three values are, but then also guests to see what your partner three values would be and then have him do the same or them do the same for you.
And then kind of like compare and see even I see the same situation or the same, you know, the same core list of values. I love that. And it's interesting, I was in conversation with a colleague the other day and. And she's been married for a long time and she's like, you know, I was at someone's wedding and, and this man said, you know, the key to happiness longterm is compromise.
And, and for me and my being, I was like, Ooh, I don't like that word. I don't like that word. Right? Like by being kind of like tightened. But she's like, no, but I get it. And this woman's been married for a long time and, and she said, you know, it's compromising on the small things but never compromising on your values.
And she's like, that's why I've been married for so long. She's like, because we have the same values and we've made an, we've made an agreement, like there might be one or two that are off. She's like, but we never compromise on our values. And that's like why they are so happy in their marriage. Because they can compromise on the small things, but they never compromise on their values.
And I feel like a lot of us in our dating relationships or um, our friendships, it's like there's a clash in values and that's where the chaos, that's where the maybe drama or whatever else comes in and it's because values are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Totally agree. Some guys are going to do that.
I will see how it goes. Like I'm actually interested, I'm going to make them do it later today. So posted. I wanted to sort of turn the conversation a little bit. We met three years ago at a Tony Robbins fence. The first night we met, we walked on fire together, like legit across hot coals. So fun. And then while I was in New York city, we were in New York city.
I went shopping and bought a bunch of really crazy wild outfits because I was going to my first burning man, you know, in a few weeks. And you were like looking and you're like, you know, at the outfits and you're like, I think I'm going to come, and we put it out in the universe. You ended up manifesting a ticket and lo and behold, we had our first burn together.
I can't even say it without laughing because it was like honestly one of the most fun experiences of my life, because your first burn is always so memorable. I've been three times, I guess now. But like, it's just like nothing beats the, like the, like sizzle of the first. And so how would you describe Bernie man to anybody curious about it?
So first they have to share the whole story. Okay. I mean, not the whole story cause we'd be here for days. So I always ask the universe for signs. And at this point I was getting all these signs to go to burning man, but I was, I was in my bubble a little bit, just got out of my longterm relationship of eight years.
And you know, it wasn't super liberated in some ways, and self-express and so Sam, my wild new friend is like, girl, you've got to come to burning man, showing me all the things, and, and then I manifest all these tickets. So I got the ticket in the mail. I said yes. And then I drove down to burning man on my own, and that was an adventure and it's, I'm didn't even know what I was going to wear.
I had a bag of like random costumes that my friends gave me, um, got lost in the, uh, on the desert on the way there had a Holy S moments when there was a, a T in the road. There's no. No signs in the middle of the desert, there's a broken gas station to my left. I don't have a map. I'm out of water. Um, prepared spontaneity.
You, my friends post-weld on therapist, no cell phone service. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to die in the desert. Like this is not good. It's like a left and it's wrong way. I might be in trouble. I have half a gas, a tank left if I go right. You know, like all the things were coming up and as soon as I felt the feelings.
This police car came up and showed me the way, and it was like this universal sign, like D and like, this is for all of us when we say yes to the not just to the poles, um, things figure themselves out and it's cool to be spontaneous and, and so I get to burning in, don't know where my camp is, and it's in the middle of the night that get you to roll in the Playa desk, which seriously took me two years to get out of my car, by the way.
Like, like bro, my haunted Elementor right. I'm like, I had it professionally cleaned. Nope, there's still there. Still apply a desk in there. So you roll in the desk to like get over yourself cause you're going to have dust everywhere for the next two years. And I get there and it's like this massive city, but it's, um, it's just like pops out of nowhere and I can't find my camp.
And I get there and I look around and there's people on floating bikes, it looks like, cause there's just, all you see is lights. And I just was like, Oh my gosh, everyone's on drugs. Like, what did I sign up for? And I remember the Lance my trunk grabbing a bottle of wine and my sleeping bag reclining my chair in my car, have you a sip of wine and putting my blanket over my head and be like, what did I, what am I doing?
Like, why am I here? Right? Like, this is just, I don't know what I signed up for. My friends sounds crazy. And then the next morning I get up and I realize I'm actually parked outside of the camp that we were at. And I'm like, Hey, is Sam here? And one of the guys is like, Oh, she's in that pod. And I remember opening the pod maybe like 10 inches max.
Okay. Sam's sleeping right sparkles all over her face, like in her own, like you know, world. And all of a sudden she goes from lying down like she's dead to full on, standing up doing circles around like this pot. Oh my gosh, Deidre, like the Playa dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I remember just being like, what. Is going on here like this is wild.
Like what? What is she talking about? She's talking, you were talking so fast had sparkles all over the place. Probably lipstick on different parts of your face from like just sleeping funny. And I remember just being like, what is this? And then you're like, we have to go to the center. We have to go out on the Playa.
I'm like, okay. So we got a bike, and the moment we just started rolling out on the Playa, it was like I got high, this wave of being high from the Playa desk, and I just entered into the magic of it all. And so many synchronicities, so many moments of just pure joy, magic, um, burning. All I can say is that burning man is everything that you could ever imagine.
It's all of the lessons at once and all of the magic, and it's just, it's just a beautiful community of, of everything. And, and it was the most spiritual experience I've ever had in my life at that point in my life. And it really broke me open to. So many things from that one experience. I can't even get into the stories of it because it's like, it's not even going to do it justice.
It's just pure magic and it's not what you think it is. It's what whatever you need, you're going to get from the Playa. And that's what they say. It's like you go to the place of wanting to have an experience, but you're really going to get what you need and the synchronicities that happen there. It's just like there's so many people that go to burning man that are so open and elevated and just like they just.
Go into this vortex of like possibility, and there really is no place like it. There is no place like it, and it's so fun to dress up too, and you're just, it's just magic. And it was so fun to share that with you and for you to show me the way. Oh yeah. We had, we had a way, that's for sure. It was fun. But it kind of even goes back to the thing that you were talking about before, like all of the things that don't serve us.
It's like letting go and shedding and like burning. Even like it's symbolic cause like the, they, they burned stuff there. They built these beautiful different like monuments and different places and then you celebrate it, you enjoy it. But at the end they burn it down. And it's like the, the, the idea of impermanence, how things are constantly changing.
Like enjoy the moment. But there's a moment when everything is going to be dust. So it just like, it's really symbolic on such deep levels of life. I love that. It actually, um, yeah, I almost feel emotional about that because any time that we cling on to something, and this is human behavior, when we cling onto something and we're like, I identify as this, this is me, and, and you know, we could talk about my marriage or whatever's going on in my life or your life or anyone's life, but anytime we hold on to something.
We're not actually in the moment anymore. And so I love that. If the burden, it's also the purification of, of the soul, it's the letting go, right? And it's just a beautiful way of honoring your past. So, um, I think there's a lot, probably why we burn, you know, letters that we never, I ended up giving to people.
And it's about honoring, releasing, and, and being in that moment. And I remember peeing at the burn with you, Sam, and us just being dressed like, I don't know, you were like a mermaid or something with your purple hair. I love way cause like for me it's like that's my thing. I'd love wearing crazy color hair.
It's just so fun. Yeah. I could see you having permanent purple hair, by the way. I think I'm like bad ass just putting it out there. I support it if you choose to do it or the wig. But I remember just watching the burn with you, like the big burn on the last night and just eyes wide open. Whoa, Whoa. Oh my gosh.
It's such a immersive experience and it's something like that. I've always been experiential person, and so I say yes to things based on what feels right in the moment I'm like, okay, I have a pull. I'm going to go talk. That person do that thing. It's all of the magic in life can only be experienced. It can't be thought about.
And so it's about saying yes rather than saying, well, trying to figure it out. So every time that I've said yes to something, based on a feeling, it's all turned into magic. And burning man was a huge piece of that. So everyone should go to burning man. Everyone should go to Bernie. Man. I remember when we were there, actually, I was like one of the night exhibits, and I guess I was like putting like my bike chain on, or I was doing something to my bike and I was looking down.
I looked up and I saw your face. It was just like, like almost like a deer in headlights staring out, and then I'm like, what is that? You're like, Oh my gosh, Gerard Butler was just there and he smiled at you. And then I turned around to see him, but then he was gone. Was it George Butler? Yeah. You were like, you're like deep, go talk to him.
Go talk to him. He was looking over it. I was like, I was too cool. I was like, no, I didn't even though, no, I didn't. Yeah. I'm like, when I looked, he was already gone and then I was like, so tell us, cause he like smiled at you. Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to go talk to him. I'm too cool anyways that everyone should go to burning man.
It is like a once in a lifetime experience. It's like another world. And if you are curious, Google it right now and be like amazed by, it's like mad, mad max almost meets, I don't even know what else. A different planet. It's not earth. It's definitely not earth. Four texts into another dimension. We're just going to leave it at that.
On that note, is there anything else that you want to share? I could share like a message? Is that what you'd like me to share? Sam? Yeah. So the message is, is that if you are going through anything right now that isn't feeling good, definitely I invite you to do that. You know, assessment, the joy and not the joy, but the obligation assessment, cause that's super bad ass can change your life.
And the next piece is if you're looking to do more of that and find out what the gap is, what is in the way of you having and being and living the life that you deep down want to experience. I have a freebie on my website that I'm happy to and you over to. It's 24 categories of life. Oh, where you are now, where you want to be, and really identifying exactly what's in the way so that you can show up more powerfully for that.
And I believe there's also a video series with it that can help you move through that. So you can go run over to my website, we can drop the link below it radically aligned.com and. It's one of the most powerful tools that I've used on myself and that a lot of the people that I work with do, and, and, and yeah.
Just the question. This is, this is the quote that I love. The question is not whether or not you are here to do great things. We're all here to do great things. The question is, are you ready to wake up to the truth of who you are and who you're meant to be? Because your soul is infinite. It's joy, it's love, it's abundance, it's connection.
It's all of the things that you could ever imagine. Anything or anyone that tells you you are not that. Is not like is not playing in your magic. It's not honoring you. And it's important for you to remember who you are by plugging in to people, to podcasts like this, hanging out with Sam, Sam's amazing and plugging into the magic of life, because that's where everything great happens and it cannot be process.
It has to be experienced. So. Jumping into those experiences saying, yes, and I know that you have a Morocco trip coming up sometime soon, and I think that's pure magic. So, um, that would be an experience. If you feel the pull to say yes to, I want to be there, you'll be there. We'll be there in Morocco some point soon, once this pool.
Pandemics over. Yes, totally. But on that note, thank you so much my dear. I thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. This is so fun. And, and going back to memory Lane's fun with you, Sam.ar. I love, I love your brand. I love everything you stand for the radically aligned life. What does that mean to be radically aligned? Ooh, that's a great question. I was feeling into this the other day. So first of all, everything happens in the exact moment it's supposed to. And before we jumped on here, we were talking about birthing something into the world.
And so when you're pregnant with something like a baby, you can't push it out at six months or five months or rush it and everything. Great takes time. And so I remember being under this tree in San Diego, um, about a year and a half ago, and I was meditating. I don't remember what I was meditating at, but I was at a friend and Rashard seminar and a bird pooped on my shoulder.
And as the bird pooped on my shoulder, I got the name radically aligned. And so I love it when that happens to me. And it happened to me recently too. So I'm feeling really good about myself. I'm like, something good's about to happen. I love that. Well, they say it's good luck, but I mean, just to love it when you get a bird poops on your shoulders, just like, that's hilarious.
Totally. So when I think of radical alignment, there's different stages of it, and I actually have this. This graph that I've been creating to really map it out on our journey and how to really awaken to our highest self and our full potential, but essentially radical alignment is you are radically aligned.
It's like the center of. Across, you know, not being religious that the center across, like it's the dead center of the core of who you are. And there's no being off path. There's no compromising. There's no, I'm not sure. There's no maybes. There is no, um, Oh. Um, if this happens, then that will happen. It's a strong knowing that, well, you are.
And being radically honest with your path and not compromising and going off path because of distractions, because of old programming, because of what people think you should do because of self-sabotaging behavior when you're radically aligned. You are unstoppable. And these are the people in the world that I think of that are the, I work a lot with up and coming thought leaders and those who have a message inside of them that they know, like they're not quite where they're supposed to be yet.
And there's a gap because they're not radically aligned from the outside looking in though they look like they have their life together. They seem aligned, but they know they're playing small. They know that there's something bigger and this is where radical alignment comes into place because the more aligned we are.
The quicker we can manifest what we want and the less distracted that we get and the more confident we are. But it's not even a doing. It's the being ness that attracts what it is that we want to have in there. Certain rituals, practices, tools, and um, processes that I take people through to make sure that they've cleaned up trauma, that they've worked through, pieces that are still like the dust that hasn't quite settled in their life to clean that up.
So it's like having a. Like a diamond that has dust on it. You know? It's about the polishing. So it's the polishing. It's like you're already amazing. You're already great, you're already rocking, you're doing all the things that you love. But the polishing is in the radical alignment. So I would compare it to maybe a, um, I'm a Lamborghini.
Okay. So there's a lot of people who are Lamborghinis, so they're super sensitive. They're super dialed in when they are radically aligned with who they are and who they're meant to be in the world as far as influence, impact, and all of that. But they're operating, they're giving themselves the fuel. Of a Honda.
And the truth is if you bring a Lamborghini up to a regular pump, and I don't have a Lamborghini, but I'm pretty sure that you need different fuel, you need different services. And the truth is when you're a Lamborghini and you're in the car and you're out of alignment just a little bit, there's something that's not quite right in, in the system.
It throws the whole thing off, it throws the whole path off, and it can actually take you off track with your full potential. So it's about getting people to know that they have six cylinders, 10 cylinders, whatever, instead of two that they're operating on and it opens up the doors for everything. I love that.
I love the idea of radical alignment. I want to know the tools, the different things that you would use to get people aligned. The first. I'm going to assume that you haven't always been this passionate and this like aligned even yourself. Like there's obviously a story that sort of got you there. So I'd love for you to share your journey of getting into radical alignment.
Wow. So that's a big question. Everything starts at a young age and it's called soul school, right? So we go through all these obstacles. We have these moments of this is who I am when it's not the truth of who we are. And for me, at a young age, when I was probably six or seven years old, I started to live a dual life.
So I would go to school and I was a happy go lucky girl, like friends with everyone. I'm had a hard time learning and staying focused in school. Um, and then I would go home and I had a family member that had an addiction. And because of that addiction, it was this space of lack of certainty when I would come home.
There was a space of lack of knowing how things would be and also deep concern for that person in my life. And it was a part of my life that I categorized. And we do this as humans. We categorize moments in time. We categorize parts of our life to disconnect from it because we don't know how to process it.
So at around the age of six or so that was happening. So I'd go home and I'd have a totally different experience. I wasn't able to speak my truth. I wasn't able to be a little girl. I had to be my own, you know, my own best friend, my own parents in a lot of ways. And so there was this dual personality, do a life.
And so this pattern continued into high school. I was the popular girl, I was friends with everyone at school. But I didn't really get too close to any groups. I was the one that was friends with all the groups because I didn't want to let anyone get too close to me because I didn't want them to see the truth that I had something to hide.
And then I was taking on someone else's addiction, someone else's behaviors as my own. There's a lot of deep shame and a lot of deep separation from both of those lives. And so naturally, um, when you live with someone who has an addiction or anything like that, or you know, you're in a relationship with someone who has an addiction, um, you can become codependent, which is trying to fix everyone else's problems or trying to support everyone else too.
Avoid dealing and feeling what's going on on a deeper level. And also with that, there's also the people pleaser that comes up. I see this all the time with people, and a lot of that comes back to codependency and also having a family member or somebody in your world that has an addiction and addiction, that behaviors as far as how they act is very different than maybe how addicted or how often they go to whatever that is for them.
So again, I was the happy go lucky girl. I had one emotion. And it was, I'm happy all of the time. So that continued into my adult hood and essentially I had more trauma in when I was 19 I was raped and didn't know how to process that. So I categorize that again. And I got really good at checking things off of the list, that list of get married, um, buy a new car, buy a house, go traveling together.
All of the things. And again, from the outside looking in, it looked like I was the happiest person. Everyone knew I had the perfect life, the perfect marriage. I had a business that was doing well in a lot of external validation for it, but. I was not connected to myself. I was not connected to my truth.
And because of that, I was avoiding dealing with the voice that was trying to come up. That was saying, first of all, every time I've reached a goal, I was saying is this it? Like looking around like, is this really what success is? Is this really what love is? Is this really what life is? And that continued to push me to chase new goals.
But I never quite felt like it was, it always felt empty. It's like you're chasing these things. You get there and it's like, now what. Yeah. Right. And so I was chasing these pieces of external validation and essentially I was running away from myself as I was running towards a goal. So I kept feeling that way.
And of course it led to burnout and other symptoms. But then there was another voice that was coming up and the voice was saying, there's so much more. Yeah, you are so much more capable and powerful. And you know, and I knew deep down that there was something that I was supposed to step into that because of all of the programming, because of all of the disconnect, the dual life, the categorization.
It felt like impossible to even bring it into my conscious reality. And so with that, I started to get a lot of symptoms, a lot of manifestations of disease. Because as you noticed, and I know we've Jan about this before, is anytime our soul is not being honored, it speaks to us through symptoms of disease.
And. I manifested depression, massive social anxiety, even though I was in front of about a hundred people a day. I have panic attacks. I manifested auto immune disease and what else? And food sensitivities. Stomach pain. Yeah, totally. And so it's like all of these were the universe or my universe, my body saying pay attention.
But the thing is. And, and if you're listening right now, and I'm sure you can relate to Sam, it's like when things come up in our body, it's so easy to be like, Oh, well my mom has this, or it runs in my family, or, Oh, I should take a pill for it. Or, Oh, it's just a part of me. There's like this acceptance of the bullshit in our life.
You know what I'm saying? 10. And it's like NSC acceptance of the symptoms and the symptoms is a sign that you were so out of alignment with your soul's calling. And I knew this, I was like teaching wellness. Like I knew you back then too, like I was in that wellness space. I own a yoga business and it was, I was like living and teaching a lot of these things, but I wasn't really owning it and embodying it.
So I finally had my wake up call. It wasn't any of the things I said before. But was it like an Elizabeth Gilbert moment? Like, did you have a moment where it's like you hit rock bottom with it and you were just like, the universe just wasn't going to let you keep going? Exactly. That's exactly what happened.
And so I, so I had all those symptoms. I pushed him away cause I was like runs in my family, whatever, whatever stories as we do, accepting the bullshit of our symptoms and our life. And um, I remember one day, Sam, and like at that time in my life I had mermaid hair. It was down in my hips and it was kind of my thing.
And I was going through my hair one day as us girls do, and I noticed, Oh my gosh, I am missing a huge chunk of hair. And it was like on the top of my head, I had a massive bald spot. It was like the size of the toony. Whoa. Yeah. Completely bald. Completely bald. Like right on the top of my head right there.
And I just woke up one day and it was like that. And it wasn't like, you know, when you shave something and you can see like, there's like, there's still hair growth, but you know, maybe it was ripped out or something happens. Like your hair was stressed out. It wasn't breakage. It was totally bald. And, and I remember, I remember the moment getting out my smartphone and, you know, um, having the camera on and going in the mirror.
I'm like, what the heck is going on here? And it was this massive bull spot. And this was the moment when the universe was like, okay, Dee, we gave you this, we gave you that. We tried to whisper. We try to take it easy on you. Yeah, there were a million yellow flags, but it's going to take this one bread one.
And that's usually what happens. Like yellow flag, yellow flag, yellow flag. And we just keep on driving poorly. So I, um, I was super stubborn, so I had to learn things the hard way. And, um, and then so that happened. And naturally natural instinct go to the doctor, what the heck's going on? Fix me? And the doctor said, Oh, well, it looks like you've developed another autoimmune disease.
And I was like, huh? And she's like, yeah, like we can give you some steroids or, you know, some shots in that area of your head. But, um, she's like, you're probably gonna lose all your hair. Yeah. Wow. Okay. That's pretty scary. Yes. And they say also like, just going back to, um, people who go through cancer. Um, one of the biggest fears for women apparently isn't necessarily losing their breasts.
It's actually losing their hair. It was like a, it was a big fear of mine. I'm like, Oh my gosh. And then I went home. I got the prescription because I was like, just in case I get home. And I was like, this is not going to be my story. This is not it. And I am going to listen. And I thought of Louise Hay's, I thought of her affirmations.
I thought of what our body is trying to tell us. And I don't remember exactly what it said in the book about, you know, a bald spot. But I remember being like, it was like self hatred or something. And I chose to be with that, which is the truth, because my entire life. Based on past trauma and you know, living a dual life and checking things off the list.
It was self hatred because I was not connected. To my soul. And so I remember talking to my husband at the time and he was like, so not woo, like black and white, like thought crystals were weird. Right.
And I like owned that moment. Wow. In that moment was the moment I changed my entire life and my hair grew back. I started studying Mashama's. I've actually been working with shamans for almost a decade now. I started doing the inner work meditation, and what I learned through that journey is that. First of all, I believe, and I can see it in people.
Most people are not even living in their truth. So radical alignment feels like what the F is that? And I get it. I was very disconnected and it took, it took me having that moment. To change it. And I know because my soul told me around this time too, that if I did not change my life, I was going to die of cancer in a year and I didn't have cancer, but my body, my soul was like, you are here to do work and you are not listening to your one and we're going to go after your vanity because you like to pretend that everything is great and you can't hide this.
So wake up. Wow. But at that said, you probably look back at that moment and you're so grateful, so much gratitude, because I know that this is like what, six or seven years later, I wouldn't be alive. I would not be on this having this conversation with you if I didn't actually have that wake up call and change because I was so deep in it.
And when we're so in something, whether it's a relationship or an area of our life where we have created all of these. You know, um, this checklist and we're, we're so in the role, it's difficult to even know that we're in the role because we've been playing the role our entire life. So. I had to wake up. I had to do the deeper work.
It was not always comfortable, but it led me down the path of really understanding universal laws. what our soul's telling us, as well as a bunch of other things, which has led me down this path of radical alignment and and seeing those symptoms in people and helping them break through really quickly.
And on that note, I'm heal trauma. As we were talking a little bit about that earlier. Before we jumped on was unhealed trauma, I believe is the root cause of all suffering. Because what happens when we have a trauma? And so I had trauma when I was younger, like coming home and having a, um, a family member, not sure if they were alive and then having to like, not know how to deal with that and, you know, continue just showing up at school and in life and shoving it down.
We do that all the time and we don't necessarily need to say we as a whole with humans right. We don't know how to, first of all, identify trauma and essentially it's anything in our life, any imprint that we haven't been able to process. And when we have a trauma, it actually takes us out of our body.
Because it's not safe to be in our body. So when we're not in our body, we actually can't be aligned because it's like we're outside of our body. We're not connected to the symptoms. We're not connected to our heart, and we're constantly being triggered by our subconscious from any images, thoughts, body sensations, emotions, and then the energetics of anything that even slightly reminds of us of any of those imprints in our past of the trauma that we haven't fully.
Completed because it's like a moment that's frozen in time. So I was triggered all the time, didn't know it, didn't mean that I was upset. It just means I kept taking steps away from my soul. And then I had my big wake up call and had to change my entire life. And in my marriage of eight years, I starting a new business.
I started saying yes to adventures all the time. I had a lot of deep work to do and in the realization was the first step. Of course, it's healing trauma. You know, but it's, it's also like what is not me. And when I started to go through that, most of the things, most of the rules that I was living in plane and weren't me.
It's not about finding or creating who you are. I like the idea of it, but it's more about who are you not and how is that showing up in your life? That's a really good way to look at it. I feel like it's easy to say, Oh yeah, everything's good, I'm great. Right? But then if you look at the back way, that way, it's like you can get other information about yourself and your situation and your, the people who are in your life or whatever it is, and it's easier to be like, well, is this really me?
Is it serving me? Yes or no? And it's easier to let it go. Totally. Yeah. And it's, it's scary too, and, and that's why it's really important. Like, I know for me, when I was going through the process, it took me a few years to actually really take some of those outward steps of creating change. Because first it starts internally and it can be a little messy.
But it's like finding the right community, the right support, being around people who get you right. And um, and so that's what led me down this path. And, and I see it in other people and I know that like, we're all here to do something, to create something to experience, love to bring love. And it comes through the foundational piece of being radically aligned.
And there's different stages of that. So long story short, I mean. Phones are long. That's good though. Cause you're here, you're living here, you know your radical line life now and you're really holding the torch for other people to do the same. What are a couple of grounded things someone could do and implement in their life that would be really effective in terms of like achieving some alignment, like something that they could do today.
I'm just thinking of, first of all, uh, I have a program that's running right now and we're on module two and I want to talk about this because this is exactly what we're sorting out. So I'm, one of the things that I love to do in my life, I do this probably once a year, is I like to create my obligation list.
And then also the things that bring me joy. So two lists, and this is a very simple way to see the things that maybe you said yes to that aren't quite aligned. And you go through the obligation list. These are all the things that you feel like you have to do. They have the, I shouldn't be doing this. I have to be doing it, and you do it.
You show up for it. But the thing is, because we're so on autopilot all of the time, we don't even know how they feel. So we just do it. And then if we feel like should at the end of the day or we don't feel the way we want to feel or we're not doing the work that we want to do, it's because we haven't taken the time and the space to assess where we're putting our time, energy, and space.
So going through the obligation list and saying, okay, who was I when I said yes to this? Who was, I wasn't the person I was a year ago. Is that still aligned with who I am today? Because you know, like we're all evolving all the time, and if we're saying yes and doing things out of obligation based on old version of ourselves, well, it could be actually leaking our energy.
It can be pulling us down. So it'd be outdated. Exactly right. And like, I know you sound like you're changing so much every day. So am I. I think about who I was a couple months ago. I'm like, Whoa, I've changed a lot. So it's like it's good to reassess, right? Totally. I love that. Going into the list and looking through them and asking yourself some questions, so number one, when did I say yes to this thing?
Who was I like? What were my core belief systems at this time? Because it's important to notice your core belief systems around why you said yes to that thing. And then the next piece is, is it still serving me today? Is it aligned with my values today? And if you don't know what your values are, I highly, highly recommend asking yourself what your top three values are.
Because anything that you're saying yes to and you are, is on your obligation list. And I just want to say, having things on the obligation list is not a bad thing. We're all going to have responsibilities and things we show up for, but it's important to know. Is aligned with my values. Does it make me feel the way that I want to feel?
And is it supporting my longterm vision goals of who I am and who I meant to be in the world? And if the answer is no, well my friend, it's time to cross that obligation on the list. Maybe have a conversation with someone and say, you know what? I know I said yes to this. Back when and moving forward, um, I have to release my obligation to this and let's sort it out.
And that's going to free up so much energy and awareness right there. So what would you say to somebody who's at that point who sees something that they want to cross off, but then there's that fear of actually having that conversation? Because for a lot of people, that conversation. It's like they don't want to hurt feelings, so they don't want to like, you know, it's an uncomfortable thing.
So what would you say suggest to do? That's a great question. I was actually thinking about it like, Mmm, people want to, you know what? What do I do with it? Okay. First of all, I think it's really important. Anytime we have anything that we've committed to or bought into of our own, whether it's a belief system, an obligation, or anything else in her life, what is the cost?
Okay. What is the cost of not having that conversation? What is the cost of continuing to, um, maybe it's self sabotaging behavior of feeling resentment towards that person or that thing that you're doing. What is the longterm cost. Of continuing to show up in authentically within that relationship or that obligation and the longterm cost for yourself, number one.
So what's the longterm cost on your health? On your relationship maybe with that person on, um, you know, the longterm relationship with what you're creating. Like what is the cost? Is it the time? Is it money? Is it your health? Is it your relationships? Because the truth is when we're saying yes to something that doesn't feel good, and we're doing that people pleasing thing, like walking on eggshells with, guess what?
We have resentment. And that resentment is showing up in our physical body, our liver, right? Our di, our organs. There's a cost on our health. Our mental health or emotional health, and also we're bringing that negative energy into some of our closest relationships. That could be time that works, stepping away from the things that we love most in, we're probably not showing up as the best version of ourselves.
So when you, when you get radically clear and honest and aligned with the costs. I'm saying yes, in that obligation, it's going to be like, Oh my gosh, like I need to have that conversation and there's frameworks to it. It's just like, Hey, so and so like Sam, Hey, Sam. You know, let's play that. Hey, Sam, I know that I'm pro.
Let's pretend you're my sister. So, um, let's say that I had an obligation to you and I would, and I've heard this before, you know, I pick up, you know, Sam's kids every and every week, and I hang out with her kids, and that's the time that she gets to spend time with her husband, right? I've heard this before and it's just something I've been doing for years.
But you know what? Now I don't have time for this, this, this, this, so perfect example. Hey Sam. I just want to talk to you about, I mean, is that okay? Sure. What's up? Um, well, I really love, uh, taking care of your kids every week. It's been such an honor to do that. They're so much fun. And, um, I said yes to that, you know, a few years ago when I had a lot more time.
And I want you to know that I really appreciate the time that we've had together and moving forward. Um, I won't be able to continue to do that. So I'd love to find a way for us to. Shift this to support you, but also for me to have my time back cause I really need my Wednesday nights for this project.
So how can we move forward and create that together? Like how much time do you think that you need? Like a few more weeks to sort of a babysitter or something else that's so easy. It just makes it so easy to say yes. Yeah, that's really good. Cause it's really appreciating and seen appreciating the person, but then like looking at coming at it from like a win-win perspective.
Totally. And it's the framework of, you know. Brain. It was love. Like, can I speak to you about something? Yeah, of course. Like everyone's open and then the acknowledging of who you were and what you were able to do in the past. So honoring the past, right, and then talking about how moving forward it needs to be different.
And that's a very easy framework. But acknowledging the past and who you were when you said yes is really important. Because if you're just like, I can't do it anymore. People were like, well, like I thought you liked doing it. And there's all of these like. Gaps in communication or their stories. Yeah, exactly.
So that's what I like to do. And, and um, is that helpful? Does that answer it? Totally. Okay, cool. Totally. And what I love about that too is like even asking the question, cause like you were just saying like if I was just like, Hey Dee, I can't pick up your kids anymore. All of a sudden it's like the defense is up.
It's like, well why? Like a million reasons go up there. Whereas if you're like, Hey, can I talk to you for a second? And you come and you're like. Yeah, sure. What's up? It's already like creating a safer container to have that combo. So I love that you just walked us through that entire scenario. Thank you.
No problem. And like for you to, like you said, you completely like let go of so many things in order to live radically aligned. Do you struggle with that on a basis, like day to day basis now? Or is it easy for you to just like drop things that aren't serving you. Well at the beginning it was very difficult.
It started with really my marriage. That was, that was a big one. And, and it's never easy to end a relationship, especially when there's love there and, and time and all of that. So that was not easy to do, but I knew that it was for my highest good. And. For myself and also for that person, because I know that in the relationship, and this is another thing, I'm going back to the obligation list and that conversation.
So let's say that we're going back to me picking up your kids every weekend, hanging out with them every week. Well, if I'm continuing to honor or show up for you, even though I don't feel good about it, it's going to create. Tension in our relationship and it's not going to feel good. You're not going to know why, and I'm going to end up being passive aggressive.
That's actually a natural thing with people pleasers. They don't know that they're doing it, but they have passive aggressive tendencies. So when you think about the cost and honoring other people that are involved in these obligations and things that you're letting go of, it's really important to think of what's the cost for them longterm view, playing a role that isn't yours.
It's expired. And I really had to look at that with my husband and I was like, you know what? Like. I'm costing him the opportunity to, for him to be with someone who really, really, um, wants to be in it. And it has radically line with him. And I, I'm not that. We didn't have the same values. And so that's why it's so important to your values.
So when I left, I knew, yes it was for me, but I also had to really feel into, I want the best for him. And what's the cost longterm for him? Cause he's not getting any younger either. He wants kids and all of those things. And when I could get into that space, it was a selfless releasing. Hmm. To answer your question as far as letting go of things, you know, at first it can be difficult, but every time I do the internal work on myself that I take my clients and people through, I always feel good about it.
And the people and the places and the environments that I released, they normally do too. And yeah, there are some people, um, that I've released in the last year, even that I'm like, Oh, this is, this is awkward or difficult because there were people that were close to me. But I will not dishonor my soul.
And sometimes that means walking away from things and, and sometimes not having the kind of conversations that, you know, in a perfect situation you would have, but it's about, I will not allow myself to dishonor my soul. And I love that. And that's like where the radical part really comes into it because so many people like will be like 99% in, but then just keep the 1% back.
And it doesn't necessarily work that way. It's like you have to be a hundred percent an FPS or an F. No. And that's like essentially what you're saying, you're like. If it's not a hundred percent FES ain't doing it. And, and so with that, with friendships, with relationships, with environments, I have a really tight filtering system of who I let into my inner circle, outer circle, outer, outer circle, et cetera.
And it's not saying any one's bad or less than, that's not what I'm saying. It's just about alignment based. People in my inner circle have the same values as me. Um, they can teach me something, I can learn something from them. It doesn't mean that they're like actually my teacher. It means that maybe they're a mirror for me and my bullshit's coming up and I have to clear it.
So that's, that's a sole person that I would want in my circle. But there's certain qualities, values, and things that I hold really true to myself in the people that I keep closely and I'm very aware of. Um, what belongs where in my life. And it makes things really easy. Actually. And I love that you keep on bringing up values.
I was actually on a call this morning with my friend, my good friend, glow, and we were talking about values in a relationship and I'm like, I had never actually done that with my partner, like asked, what are your three values? Or even like really told him what mine are. So we're actually going to do this exercise where he doesn't know it yet.
I told glow and now I'm telling you. And all the ladies who were listening, you should do this with your partners, but like find out, write down what your three values are, find out what your three values are, but then also guests to see what your partner three values would be and then have him do the same or them do the same for you.
And then kind of like compare and see even I see the same situation or the same, you know, the same core list of values. I love that. And it's interesting, I was in conversation with a colleague the other day and. And she's been married for a long time and she's like, you know, I was at someone's wedding and, and this man said, you know, the key to happiness longterm is compromise.
And, and for me and my being, I was like, Ooh, I don't like that word. I don't like that word. Right? Like by being kind of like tightened. But she's like, no, but I get it. And this woman's been married for a long time and, and she said, you know, it's compromising on the small things but never compromising on your values.
And she's like, that's why I've been married for so long. She's like, because we have the same values and we've made an, we've made an agreement, like there might be one or two that are off. She's like, but we never compromise on our values. And that's like why they are so happy in their marriage. Because they can compromise on the small things, but they never compromise on their values.
And I feel like a lot of us in our dating relationships or um, our friendships, it's like there's a clash in values and that's where the chaos, that's where the maybe drama or whatever else comes in and it's because values are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Totally agree. Some guys are going to do that.
I will see how it goes. Like I'm actually interested, I'm going to make them do it later today. So posted. I wanted to sort of turn the conversation a little bit. We met three years ago at a Tony Robbins fence. The first night we met, we walked on fire together, like legit across hot coals. So fun. And then while I was in New York city, we were in New York city.
I went shopping and bought a bunch of really crazy wild outfits because I was going to my first burning man, you know, in a few weeks. And you were like looking and you're like, you know, at the outfits and you're like, I think I'm going to come, and we put it out in the universe. You ended up manifesting a ticket and lo and behold, we had our first burn together.
I can't even say it without laughing because it was like honestly one of the most fun experiences of my life, because your first burn is always so memorable. I've been three times, I guess now. But like, it's just like nothing beats the, like the, like sizzle of the first. And so how would you describe Bernie man to anybody curious about it?
So first they have to share the whole story. Okay. I mean, not the whole story cause we'd be here for days. So I always ask the universe for signs. And at this point I was getting all these signs to go to burning man, but I was, I was in my bubble a little bit, just got out of my longterm relationship of eight years.
And you know, it wasn't super liberated in some ways, and self-express and so Sam, my wild new friend is like, girl, you've got to come to burning man, showing me all the things, and, and then I manifest all these tickets. So I got the ticket in the mail. I said yes. And then I drove down to burning man on my own, and that was an adventure and it's, I'm didn't even know what I was going to wear.
I had a bag of like random costumes that my friends gave me, um, got lost in the, uh, on the desert on the way there had a Holy S moments when there was a, a T in the road. There's no. No signs in the middle of the desert, there's a broken gas station to my left. I don't have a map. I'm out of water. Um, prepared spontaneity.
You, my friends post-weld on therapist, no cell phone service. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to die in the desert. Like this is not good. It's like a left and it's wrong way. I might be in trouble. I have half a gas, a tank left if I go right. You know, like all the things were coming up and as soon as I felt the feelings.
This police car came up and showed me the way, and it was like this universal sign, like D and like, this is for all of us when we say yes to the not just to the poles, um, things figure themselves out and it's cool to be spontaneous and, and so I get to burning in, don't know where my camp is, and it's in the middle of the night that get you to roll in the Playa desk, which seriously took me two years to get out of my car, by the way.
Like, like bro, my haunted Elementor right. I'm like, I had it professionally cleaned. Nope, there's still there. Still apply a desk in there. So you roll in the desk to like get over yourself cause you're going to have dust everywhere for the next two years. And I get there and it's like this massive city, but it's, um, it's just like pops out of nowhere and I can't find my camp.
And I get there and I look around and there's people on floating bikes, it looks like, cause there's just, all you see is lights. And I just was like, Oh my gosh, everyone's on drugs. Like, what did I sign up for? And I remember the Lance my trunk grabbing a bottle of wine and my sleeping bag reclining my chair in my car, have you a sip of wine and putting my blanket over my head and be like, what did I, what am I doing?
Like, why am I here? Right? Like, this is just, I don't know what I signed up for. My friends sounds crazy. And then the next morning I get up and I realize I'm actually parked outside of the camp that we were at. And I'm like, Hey, is Sam here? And one of the guys is like, Oh, she's in that pod. And I remember opening the pod maybe like 10 inches max.
Okay. Sam's sleeping right sparkles all over her face, like in her own, like you know, world. And all of a sudden she goes from lying down like she's dead to full on, standing up doing circles around like this pot. Oh my gosh, Deidre, like the Playa dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I remember just being like, what. Is going on here like this is wild.
Like what? What is she talking about? She's talking, you were talking so fast had sparkles all over the place. Probably lipstick on different parts of your face from like just sleeping funny. And I remember just being like, what is this? And then you're like, we have to go to the center. We have to go out on the Playa.
I'm like, okay. So we got a bike, and the moment we just started rolling out on the Playa, it was like I got high, this wave of being high from the Playa desk, and I just entered into the magic of it all. And so many synchronicities, so many moments of just pure joy, magic, um, burning. All I can say is that burning man is everything that you could ever imagine.
It's all of the lessons at once and all of the magic, and it's just, it's just a beautiful community of, of everything. And, and it was the most spiritual experience I've ever had in my life at that point in my life. And it really broke me open to. So many things from that one experience. I can't even get into the stories of it because it's like, it's not even going to do it justice.
It's just pure magic and it's not what you think it is. It's what whatever you need, you're going to get from the Playa. And that's what they say. It's like you go to the place of wanting to have an experience, but you're really going to get what you need and the synchronicities that happen there. It's just like there's so many people that go to burning man that are so open and elevated and just like they just.
Go into this vortex of like possibility, and there really is no place like it. There is no place like it, and it's so fun to dress up too, and you're just, it's just magic. And it was so fun to share that with you and for you to show me the way. Oh yeah. We had, we had a way, that's for sure. It was fun. But it kind of even goes back to the thing that you were talking about before, like all of the things that don't serve us.
It's like letting go and shedding and like burning. Even like it's symbolic cause like the, they, they burned stuff there. They built these beautiful different like monuments and different places and then you celebrate it, you enjoy it. But at the end they burn it down. And it's like the, the, the idea of impermanence, how things are constantly changing.
Like enjoy the moment. But there's a moment when everything is going to be dust. So it just like, it's really symbolic on such deep levels of life. I love that. It actually, um, yeah, I almost feel emotional about that because any time that we cling on to something, and this is human behavior, when we cling onto something and we're like, I identify as this, this is me, and, and you know, we could talk about my marriage or whatever's going on in my life or your life or anyone's life, but anytime we hold on to something.
We're not actually in the moment anymore. And so I love that. If the burden, it's also the purification of, of the soul, it's the letting go, right? And it's just a beautiful way of honoring your past. So, um, I think there's a lot, probably why we burn, you know, letters that we never, I ended up giving to people.
And it's about honoring, releasing, and, and being in that moment. And I remember peeing at the burn with you, Sam, and us just being dressed like, I don't know, you were like a mermaid or something with your purple hair. I love way cause like for me it's like that's my thing. I'd love wearing crazy color hair.
It's just so fun. Yeah. I could see you having permanent purple hair, by the way. I think I'm like bad ass just putting it out there. I support it if you choose to do it or the wig. But I remember just watching the burn with you, like the big burn on the last night and just eyes wide open. Whoa, Whoa. Oh my gosh.
It's such a immersive experience and it's something like that. I've always been experiential person, and so I say yes to things based on what feels right in the moment I'm like, okay, I have a pull. I'm going to go talk. That person do that thing. It's all of the magic in life can only be experienced. It can't be thought about.
And so it's about saying yes rather than saying, well, trying to figure it out. So every time that I've said yes to something, based on a feeling, it's all turned into magic. And burning man was a huge piece of that. So everyone should go to burning man. Everyone should go to Bernie. Man. I remember when we were there, actually, I was like one of the night exhibits, and I guess I was like putting like my bike chain on, or I was doing something to my bike and I was looking down.
I looked up and I saw your face. It was just like, like almost like a deer in headlights staring out, and then I'm like, what is that? You're like, Oh my gosh, Gerard Butler was just there and he smiled at you. And then I turned around to see him, but then he was gone. Was it George Butler? Yeah. You were like, you're like deep, go talk to him.
Go talk to him. He was looking over it. I was like, I was too cool. I was like, no, I didn't even though, no, I didn't. Yeah. I'm like, when I looked, he was already gone and then I was like, so tell us, cause he like smiled at you. Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to go talk to him. I'm too cool anyways that everyone should go to burning man.
It is like a once in a lifetime experience. It's like another world. And if you are curious, Google it right now and be like amazed by, it's like mad, mad max almost meets, I don't even know what else. A different planet. It's not earth. It's definitely not earth. Four texts into another dimension. We're just going to leave it at that.
On that note, is there anything else that you want to share? I could share like a message? Is that what you'd like me to share? Sam? Yeah. So the message is, is that if you are going through anything right now that isn't feeling good, definitely I invite you to do that. You know, assessment, the joy and not the joy, but the obligation assessment, cause that's super bad ass can change your life.
And the next piece is if you're looking to do more of that and find out what the gap is, what is in the way of you having and being and living the life that you deep down want to experience. I have a freebie on my website that I'm happy to and you over to. It's 24 categories of life. Oh, where you are now, where you want to be, and really identifying exactly what's in the way so that you can show up more powerfully for that.
And I believe there's also a video series with it that can help you move through that. So you can go run over to my website, we can drop the link below it radically aligned.com and. It's one of the most powerful tools that I've used on myself and that a lot of the people that I work with do, and, and, and yeah.
Just the question. This is, this is the quote that I love. The question is not whether or not you are here to do great things. We're all here to do great things. The question is, are you ready to wake up to the truth of who you are and who you're meant to be? Because your soul is infinite. It's joy, it's love, it's abundance, it's connection.
It's all of the things that you could ever imagine. Anything or anyone that tells you you are not that. Is not like is not playing in your magic. It's not honoring you. And it's important for you to remember who you are by plugging in to people, to podcasts like this, hanging out with Sam, Sam's amazing and plugging into the magic of life, because that's where everything great happens and it cannot be process.
It has to be experienced. So. Jumping into those experiences saying, yes, and I know that you have a Morocco trip coming up sometime soon, and I think that's pure magic. So, um, that would be an experience. If you feel the pull to say yes to, I want to be there, you'll be there. We'll be there in Morocco some point soon, once this pool.
Pandemics over. Yes, totally. But on that note, thank you so much my dear. I thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. This is so fun. And, and going back to memory Lane's fun with you, Sam.